i don't write very often these days.

i'm losing a piece of me and it's putting a lot of strain on the whole. it's like ripping off a small piece of beef jerky. but i'm hearing the scraping of chains and rock and screeches of metal against stone. and at first this worried me because the new piece didn't fit as well as the first, so there is a lot of filing and polishing and fine tuning that needs to be done.

less answers, better description of the question. this could be an accurate portrayal. not that my answers are wrong. it's just that i do live in this world and so am forced to adapt to others' eyes and ears. what good am i if i do not know how to love? if i understand everything myself yet i have no patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness with those who matter most? i have always believed this, but perhaps have failed to really practice it, which i hate to admit. i know now. i certainly believed i was patient and loving before, but...i guess there is always room to improve, especially in areas of particular deficiency.

i noticed that she is inclined to blame me when frustrated, especially if i was upset at her. i think she cannot deal with having me- or maybe anyone- upset with her. that's my analysis. but since i'm not as concerned with the answer as i am the question...of course i'll call and spend the time to work it all out. because i love her and she challenges me in such a new way.