tonight i felt it- the car, the girls, the cigarettes, the movie. i could feel them. the heat from their eyes. like they wanted to tell me something but they couldn't.

it's always like this. feeling the space in between.

i know where i stand, but what about them?

i intend to understand this with time.

they seem so attractive- on the outside? that seems like the easy answer. it's the heat that seems to emanate from them.

i see hearts. that i want to know. but there is something keeping them. they speak and laugh and cry and smile..

but they never really say what they want. everyone desperately wants to say something that they cannot.

to express their deepest fears. deepest longings.

my heart is content. my heart is filled with compassion for those who suffer, mourn, thirst for rest.

i hope to someday find her.

those who are worst off are the ones that think they have said everything that needs to be said at the end of the night, those that feel content- when they are not truly content. they are in danger of themselves, of destruction. it is better to be filled with sadness and be ready to burst forth with tears and remorse the moment your savior reveals himself.

if your eye causes to sin, gauge it out. if your left hand causes you to sin, cut it off.

it is better to enter life blind than to be thrown into hell with both eyes.

i desire the end. i desire wisdom and understanding.

endmessage.