the warmth of city lights in winter. the twinge of sadness and pleasure in car-rides on the highway late at night. the romantic lull of rest-stops and denny's.

do you find meaning in those moments before the first cigarette of the day?

distance, motion, voice, and emotion mix so very well in today's disenfranchised youth..

do you feel the weight of the world?

do you know how it will all end?

i used to think that abby would be my wife someday. that i would be able to call her 'home'. that we would take on the world together, each day. and love would know no boundaries.

i was fully convinced in my own mind, nothing could have made me believe otherwise.

except for her.

and now, i know, i will never see her again, at least not in this lifetime.

and what do i know of love?

i knew her, and now she is gone.

are there pieces left for me to pick up?

will i commit another horrible act of despair... the last came a little too close, so at least i learned quickly and have eased the drinking down, close to none. so as to not shame myself in such a way again.

where is my teacher, where is my lover?

i know of such that comforts me:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, my Savior and my God, for I will yet praise Him."