unbelievable. i've done it again.

my life is beginning to look a lot like ben's. he always told me that he was cursed- every single person in his life always left after a year. really. he said it was strange, and that it was true for everyone, except for me. that was two years ago. apparently it is still the same even in denver. jeannette was the exception, she lasted for a little over a year, but now she's gone too.

i have been telling him that i'll never leave him, that i love him like a brother. we talk all the time, i hope nothing ever happens to him or me for the sake of breaking the curse. ha.

so, lately my 'friend turnover rate' is going through the roof. the worst so far is...well unless something changes, a few days.

i hate myself for this, it is hard to believe that i am not doing something wrong, besides the little things. or maybe the little things just add up even quicker than we realize.

i am so ashamed, i wish i could start over again with everyone. i would love them all so much more than i did, i would make sure no one would leave me.

everyone always leaves me. or maybe i leave them. it's hard to say.

i don't mean to be hard or critical if it seems that way. i don't want to push anyone away.

i wish they could all see things from my eyes.

there are things i understand that i would like everyone to know but it seems that no one is ready to hear what i have to say.

it is good that i have more patience than anyone knows.

i just expect a lot from some people. i only expect from others what i expect of myself. and when i master something, i want to teach it. and i only want for people to desire to learn.

is your faith a bird in darkness? Broken glass. A moments note. Flash of light strobes ages. End will lie? The windows broke. We�re destroyed by you. Blue storms that roll. Step outside. Kissing rain fall. Tasting like blue and gold. Splash of light, sends you airborne. Crashing out, and catching on. Tear drop eyes soak the pavement. Let it fall, let it fall. Charcoal blue city is swimming in petals. All are believing none are alarmed. Let it fall. Landslide.

-elliott.songintheair."bluestorm".